Mandatory Christmas Trip Excitement at No Man’s Blog

Just about every time I go away on a trip to my brother’s house in California, I have some sort of “excitement.”

The last time I went to visit, his Great Dane Gus was still fairly new to the family. Gus had a “little trouble” adapting to all the family that had converged on the house. His discomfort (confusion) manifested itself in the form of terrible Great Dane farts.

Gus

Yesterday I was sitting at the airport in San Luis Obispo waiting for my flight back to Phoenix. I was ruminating on my week in California when I realized that nothing exciting had happened on the trip.

So I boarded the aircraft and took my seat. That’s when it happened. A little old lady took the seat next to me, and she asked me to help her push her bag under the seat in front of her. I did, naturally, and noticed quickly that the bag was squirming.

Pet carrier

There was a Dachshund named Alex in the bag, and he really didn’t want to be in the plane, much less in the carrier.

So Alex started howling and whining and barking. And this howling and whining and barking continued for the entire hour and a half it took to fly from San Luis Obispo to Phoenix.

Near the end of the flight, it came to pass that Alex was able to gnaw a hole in the corner of his carrier bag and his snout was sticking out of the bag. The little old lady tried to shove the dog’s nose back in the bag. When she did so, the lovely little creature promptly bit her on the finger and she started bleeding like a stuck pig. There was blood all over the place. It gushed out of her finger onto her khaki pants, onto the carpet of the aircraft, and onto her seat cushion.

We pushed the button to get the attention of the cabin attendant, but as we were on our final approach into Phoenix, the only thing the cabin attendant could do was hand the old lady a wad of napkins and return to her own seat.

Meanwhile, the bleeding continued unstaunched.

And the bastard Dachshund continued to wail and bark and howl.

So I guess I got my mandatory Christmas trip excitement after all. The gods of travel did not disappoint me.

Satan's Wiener Dog