If you’re too stupid to follow election coverage on cable news, fear not.  All you have to do is surf over to MichelleMalkin.com and let the brilliant Michelle do all your thinking for you.

Malkin tends to “live blog” these long, tedious affairs.  This, in turn, results in long, tedious blog posts laden with cynicism, invective, political bias, and healthy doses of hate speech.

Oh, and let’s not forget CONFUSION.

So Malkin “live blogged” the Super Tuesday primaries last night.  Her core message of “John McCain is a RINO because I say so and anyone who votes for him should be shot” was prominent throughout the voluminous post.

Her first reference to McCain-hate comes at 8:12pm Eastern:

Watch Arizona. Buzz tonight is all about the dead-heat right down [sic] between McCain and Romney in McCain’s home state.

This is not a surprise if you’ve been reading this blog.

Buzz? Buzz for whom?  Well, for Malkin and her phalanx of sycophantic followers, that’s for sure.  Note the back-handed put-down of anyone “stupid enough” not to read her blog.  But just in case you ARE that stupid, she points to an earlier post that references the following article from PHXnews.com:

What Arizona Republicans think of John McCain: “Arizona Senator John McCain may be doing well in national polls but the folks back home that know him best don’t seem to agree. According to a straw poll taken on Saturday, January 19 of 721 Republican Precinct Committeemen from Maricopa County, Arizona, McCain’s home county, at their annual county meeting, 59.2% found him unacceptable for the GOP presidential nomination and only 11% find him acceptable.”

Take that you cretinous, uninformed bastards!  Listen to me!  I am Michelle Malkin, and I say McCain is bad!  And unacceptable!!!!  And my assertion is fully supported by a writer dude in Arizona!

Anyway, the 8:12pm entry ends with this tidbit of enlightenment:

FYI, Arizona is a winner-take-all contest.

Thank you, Michelle.  Thank you very much.  (Imagine Elvis’ voice here.)

At 8:48pm Eastern she takes a second look at the Arizona Republican race.  Do I detect a note of satisfaction as she gleefully points out that Hair Boy In A Suit is getting some of the Republican vote in Arizona?  Michelle thinks (reads: hopes) that Romney can beat McCain in AZ.

Interesting how McCain campaigned in Massachusetts claiming he had a chance, while taking his own home state backyard for granted.

Not only is McCain having trouble in his home state, says Malkin, he’s also having trouble in his own backyard.  But it’s better than Michelle could have possibly hoped.  You know a guy is doomed when he takes his “homestatebackyard” for granted!

A few minutes later, at 9:06pm Eastern, Malkin gleefully notes that McCain is in danger of losing the three key states of Missouri, Arizona, and California.

Bottom line so far on the GOP side: McCain was supposed to win Georgia, Alabama and Tennessee (see realclearpolitics.com). Huckabee may win all three (plus Arkansas and West Virginia.) A week ago, McCain was also strongly favored to win Missouri, Arizona, and California. It is now unclear whether he will win any of those three. The night’s a long way from over, but I’ve got to think McCain is not very happy right now. [Emphasis added.]

Bottom line.  Word.

Ouch. Poor, poor John. It certainly would hurt if he lost Missouri, Arizona, and California….

But wait!  At 10:44pm Eastern:

Cable nets project McCain the winner in Arizona. Eked it out. (Update: Lead widens) 47 percent of conservatives went with Romney. Huck is the projected winner in Ga.

Indeed, 47 percent of conservatives went with Romney.  (Or so Michelle says.) But what’s your point, Michelle? So Romney got less than half of the conservatives in Arizona.  Is that what you’re bragging about?  Less than half?

What she didn’t say was that 47 percent of the total votes went for McCain; only 34 percent for Romney. (I have to assume that 47 percent didn’t include the 721 Republican Precinct Committeemen from Maricopa County referenced earlier!)

Indeed, it appears McCain has “eked out” a double-digit victory in his own homestatebackyard. Yep. The buzz about a dead-heat between McCain and Romney was true! (See above Malkin references to “buzz tonight” and “dead-heat”.)

Well, don’t be too upset, Michelle.  He could still lose Missouri and California!  Like you said….

So on it goes until 11:39pm Eastern, when Michelle writes:

McCain speaks from Arizona. “We’ve some of the biggest states in the country…I think tonight we have to get used to the idea that we are the Republican front-runner for the presidential nomination…and I don’t really mind it one bit.” He’s reading from a teleprompter. Congrats Huckabee for his success. “I salute you. I salute Gov. Huckabee.” Pauses. Congratulates Gov. Romney. “I salute them, too.”  [Emphasis added.]

Here Michelle gets a “dig” in about McCain reading from a teleprompter.  Heh?  WTF?  I didn’t know it was a sin to read from a teleprompter.  Well, I know now, because Queen Malkin has spoken.

Oh, by the way.  Those “biggest states in the country” McCain was speaking of in Malkin’s last entry included none other than Missouri, Arizona, and California.  You know…the three states Malkin predicted McCain was on the verge of losing? Remember?

But she wasn’t about to tell you that part, was she?  Because she is the mighty Michelle Malkin, Writer of Blogs, Spewer of Venom, and Hater of McCain.

By the way, Michelle.  At last count McCain has over 2 times as many delegates as Hair Boy.

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