It’s time for me to purge my history of “Effluent Polls” and start anew.  I’ve been mulling over what would—or wouldn’t be—appropriate content for a new poll.  Some of the topics I have considered:

• Have Britney Spears’ recent foibles been caused by a fungal disorder?
• Is David Shuster a product of inbreeding?
• Does Bill O’Reilly have high self-esteem, or is it my imagination?
• Was hurricane Katrina a government conspiracy?
• Are the pilots of UFOs really aliens, or are they Syrian hamsters instead?
• Exactly WHO is my daddy?
• What would happen to the Earth if chlorophyll suddenly turned purple?
• Is it only a dream, or is Laura Bush a normal person?
• Do weasels really want to rip my flesh?
• Do bananas make the skin inside your inner ear itch?
• If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, will five apples work as good as Viagra?
• Aren’t you glad you were born with a penis?
• What the hell is wrong with those Mohammedan people, anyway?

Ah, such a hard decision! I had plenty more ideas (which weren’t quite as cogent as the ones I listed above). At any rate, I had to sit down and make a hard, hard decision. Which topic would I use for my new Effluent Poll? I thought about it so hard I practically got hemorrhoids in the process!

And the winner is:

What is your opinion of the Bush administration’s push for a new wiretapping bill?

• No! I’m afraid he might listen to my phone calls.
• No! He’s already listening to my phone calls.
• No! He’s telling my mother what I say in my phone calls.
• Great, as long as he catches terrorists.
• I’m too stupid to have an opinion about wiretapping.

View Results

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Please, please take my poll! I have an inquiring mind, and I want to know!

NOTE: For the lack of suitable Technorati tags, I have a feeling that this Effluent Poll might fall flat on its miserable face….

So it shall be written! So it shall be done!

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