UPDATE: Steve at Depleted Cranium takes another completely rational look at the shoot down. Oh, and as far as anyone knows, the shoot down attempt was a complete success!

UPDATE: I cover the domestic paranoia and unhinged-ness (below).  BOBG at Sweet Spirits of Ammonia covers the paranoia and unhinged-osity in the Soviet Union Putin Land.

ORIGINAL POST: This is the scenario as outlined by the Associated Press:

MOSCOW - Russia said Saturday that U.S. military plans to shoot down a damaged spy satellite may be a veiled test of America’s missile defense system.

The Pentagon failed to provide “enough arguments” to back its plan to smash the satellite next week with a missile, Russia’s Defense Ministry said in a statement.

“There is an impression that the United States is trying to use the accident with its satellite to test its national anti-missile defense system’s capability to destroy other countries’ satellites,” the ministry said.

The Bush administration says the operation is not a test of a program to kill other nations’ orbiting communications and intelligence capabilities. U.S. diplomats around the world have been instructed to inform governments that it is meant to protect people from 1,000 pounds of toxic fuel on the bus-sized satellite hurtling toward Earth.

The diplomats were told to distinguish the upcoming attempt from last year’s test by China of a missile specifically designed to take out satellites, which was criticized by the United States and other countries.

Known by its military designation US 193, the satellite was launched in December 2006. It lost power and its central computer failed almost immediately afterward, leaving it uncontrollable. It carried a sophisticated and secret imaging sensor.

Left alone, the satellite would likely hit Earth during the first week of March. About half of the 5,000-pound spacecraft would probably survive its blazing descent through the atmosphere and would scatter debris over several hundred miles.

Military and administration officials said the satellite is carrying fuel called hydrazine that could injure or kill people who are near it when it hits the ground.

The operation to shoot down the dead satellite could happen as soon as next week.

Okay, so the neo-communists Russians are pissed that we’re going to shoot down US 193. That I can understand. (Although I disagree with them.)

But it’s not just the Bolsheviks who are mad. Some gigantic American pussies are inexplicably whining about it, too. As a prime example of an American taking exception with the programmed shoot down, I offer you a rant by a gentleman of questionable character who calls himself Southern Beale (via the Cutting Edge):

What could possibly go wrong?!

I’m no, er, rocket scientist, but this whole thing smells fishy to me. Seems the likelihood of success is pretty small, we’re just as likely to miss and screw things up worse, plus don’t these things burn up when they hit the earth’s atmosphere anyway? Remember Skylab?

The whole hydrazine thing sounds completely bogus. Surely that would burn up on re-entry?

[…]

Anyway, I’m calling bullshit on the whole dog and pony show. It would be nice if someone in the media would find out what’s really going on, but I don’t hold out much hope for that. In the meantime, an ounce of cynicism is worth a pound of propaganda.

Mein Gott! He’s “calling bullshit on the whole dog and pony show?” Well, I guess it’s all over then….

All over, maybe, EXCEPT FOR THE MISSLE SHOOTIN’ PART!!!

I agree with you on one thing, Sir. If the damned thing smells like fish, it NEEDS to be shot down.

But seriously….

If you’re “no, er, rocket scientist” (as you so readily admit), how is it that you’re equipped to suggest that “the likelihood of success is pretty small”?

And to reiterate your comment regarding objects burning up in the atmosphere, you said: “[D]on’t these things burn up when they hit the earth’s atmosphere anyway? Remember Skylab?” [Emphasis added by moi.]

Skylab? SKYLAB? Hmmm. I thinks I heard of that thar thang before….

Ah! That’s right. I remember! And here’s a photo of one of the Skylab fragments that landed near Esperance, Western Australia after Skylab TOTALLY burned up in the Earth’s atmosphere during reentry. Please note the human elbow at the left edge of the photo. It tends to give a guy a notion of the size of the puny, harmless, completely evaporated chunk, don’t it, Southern Beale?

And it also tends to make a feller wish it had landed in Tennessee on Southern Beale’s head.

But Southern Beale isn’t quite finished yet. His poison pen continues its relentless scribbling:

Sounds to me like the military doesn’t want any “unfriendly governments” finding this thing. Which strikes me as really insane. We launched our current two-front war thanks to a gang of crazies with boxcutters. Our troops are being taken down by IEDs in Iraq. Why worry about foreign governments finding our old spy satellite technology? [Bizarre off-topic tangent personally highlighted by me.]

Hmmm. Our “old spy satellite technology,” Southern Beale? Did you even bother to read the articles about this deal before you started giving birth to this strange miscarriage opinion of yours? The damned thing was launched less than two years ago, you schmuck! In 2006! It’s practically CUTTING EDGE technology, you dolt! And, yes! We really DON’T want anyone else to have it! We probably spent BILLIONS in R&D on the damned thing. Is that so hard to understand?

Agghhh!! You piss me off so badly it almost makes me want to swear off Jack Daniel’s!

Listen, Southern Beale. You’re obviously a foaming-at-the-mouth libtard who has completely lost touch with reality. And you quite obviously prefer manufacturing conspiracy theories to engaging in the more strenuous (yet productive) pursuit of rational thought.

I pity you.

But let me take this opportunity to try and set you straight. This (great big) satellite is fixin’ to reenter the Earth’s atmosphere. No one is quite sure what will happen when it does. The US government has decided to shoot it down. There are five reasons why they have made this decision:

1. To prevent potential hydrazine contamination in the crash zone.
2. To prevent potential impact damage in the crash zone.
3. To prevent vital US intelligence technology from falling into the wrong hands.
4. To test our national anti-ballistic-missile defense capabilities.
5. All of the above.

All of these reasons are logical, Southern Beale. All of these reasons are sane.

And all of these reasons are in the best interests of our American national security. (They’re also in the best interests of the poor innocent schmucks who happen to be living where this damn satellite thing will eventually go SPLAT!!!)

So maybe we can come to some sort of accommodation, Southern Beale. Maybe we can ask the evil US government to figure out a way to work it so our anti-ballistic-missile defense defends everyone but you.

And people like you.

Maybe we can establish an anti-missile-defense opt-out hotline?

1-800-DUMBASS

Oh. I forgot. The Russkies can kiss our giant, collective American ass as far as I’m concerned. I changed my mind.

Technorati Tags: scenario, Russia, U.S. military plans, shoot down, damaged spy satellite, veiled test, America, missile defense system, Pentagon, smash the satellite, missile, Defense Ministry, satellite, other countries’ satellites, Bush administration, orbiting communications and intelligence capabilities, U.S. diplomats, governments, protect people, toxic fuel, bus-sized satellite, hurtling toward Earth, test by China, US 193, central computer, uncontrollable, secret imaging sensor, first week of March, 5, 000-pound spacecraft, atmosphere, scatter debris, Military, administration officials, hydrazine, injure or kill, operation, dead satellite, Bolsheviks, American pussies, whining, Southern Beale, Cutting Edge, rocket scientist, smells fishy, likelihood of success, screw things up worse, burn up, Skylab, bogus, bullshit, dog and pony show, media, Skylab fragments, Esperance, Western Australia, Earth’s atmosphere, Tennessee, unfriendly governments, insane, spy satellite technology, Jack Daniel’s, foaming-at-the-mouth libtard, lost touch with reality, conspiracy theories, pursuit of rational thought, To prevent potential hydrazine contamination in the crash zone, To prevent potential impact damage in the crash zone, To prevent vital US intelligence technology from falling into the wrong hands, To test our national anti-ballistic-missile defense capabilities, best interests, American national security, anti-ballistic-missile defense, opt-out hotline, collective American ass